Five Ways to Raise a Kid with Healthy Body Image
By Dr. Rachel Gall
In a world where we are inundated by so-called "nutritionists" and "coaches" on social media, images of smiling women eating salad, and ads for guaranteed weight loss, it's hard to know what to believe and where to get information. It's even harder to know how to respond when your kid comes home saying they're fat or that someone told them they have hairy legs. Here are some ways you can protect your child and give them the gift of a healthy relationship with their body.
One: Deconstruct your own beliefs about food and health
We have all absorbed messages from our friends, family, and the media about health. Time to learn about the impact of diet culture - here are some questions to get you started!
What have you been taught about what type of bodies are healthy or unhealthy? Where did you learn this information?
What have you been taught about what foods are "good" or "bad"? Why do you hold these beliefs?
Have you ever wanted to change what your body looks like? Where did that desire come from? Have you ever tried a diet or specific exercise routine? What was that like for you? How did it feel?
Why do you think the diet industry is so profitable? Who makes money off of people feeling badly about what they look like? What messages are used to influence people to lose weight?
What rules do you have at your house about eating? For example, is dessert "earned" with a clean plate? What are your beliefs underlying these rules? Where did they come from?
Two: Enjoy a variety of foods
Instead of talking about "healthy" or "unhealthy" foods, talk about what foods do for us. Some foods build our muscles or bones, some foods give us energy, and some foods make us happy by reminding us of family. All these foods serve different and important purposes! If we only ate carrots we'd all turn orange. If we only ate beans we'd be running to the bathroom. And if we only ate birthday cake our tummies would hurt! Foods do not inherently hold any moral character - a cookie is just a cookie.
When children see us judging ourselves for eating certain foods (or food groups - I'm looking at you, carbs!), we are modeling that eating certain foods, or having a larger body, are associated with a lack of willpower or even a moral failing. A healthy relationship with food means that we can think critically about harmful messages we have believed about bodies and food and health and tolerate the anxiety of doing something differently.
Having a healthy relationship with food doesn't mean having unlimited access to piles of candy or allowing kids to snack constantly throughout the day. As a parent, you get to decide what types of foods are offered at which times.
Three: Talk realistically about bodies
We all have things we like and dislike about our bodies. Talk with your kids about what our bodies do for us - our stomachs digest our food, our hearts pump our blood, our immune systems protect us from disease, and our brains come up with creative and fun ideas!
There may be things that your body doesn't do - perhaps you have a disability that limits your mobility, perhaps you have a chronic disease that reduces your energy level, or perhaps you haven't exercised in a while and are frustrated that you get out of breath more easily than you used to. It's OK to talk openly with your kids about these things too.
If your child comments on another person's body, you can respond with a comment about how all bodies are different and unique. We all have a body and each person decides how to take care of their own body. Commenting on others' bodies, even if you are giving what you think is a compliment, can reinforce children's beliefs that certain ways of looking are better than others, or hold more value. Instead of giving an "outside" compliment, offer an "inside" compliment about their character or their talents!
You can also implement the five-second rule: it is OK to comment on something about someone's body as long as they can change it within five seconds. People are usually grateful if you tell them they have spinach in their teeth, toilet paper stuck to their shoe, or an open button on their shirt. Otherwise, keep it to yourself!
Four: Experience joy in your body
Many of us were raised with the idea that exercise is a means to an end - if you exercise, you'll lose weight! Or maybe you were raised seeing a parent "punish" themselves for "indulging," saying they have to "burn off" that donut or that second slice of pie.
Rather than seeing exercise as compensatory or as punishment, it is important to model movement as a way to bring joy and care to our lives. Dancing in your living room, walking and talking with a friend, or going to the gym after an argument are all ways of caring for ourselves physically and emotionally. Sometimes we don't enjoy the exercise itself, but we like the feeling of accomplishment or better sleep that it brings afterwards.
And movement isn't the only way to make our bodies feel good. Any sensation that we experience can bring joy, relaxation, or interest. Listening to music, putting on hand lotion, taking a hot shower, rubbing a sore muscle, or wearing your favorite fuzzy sweatshirt are all ways to care for your body and experience enjoyment. Share your reactions with your child - "Oh, that felt good! My body says thank you!"
Five: Be a critical consumer of the media
Involve your kids in pointing out when you see or hear messages that invoke diet culture. Notice a weight loss ad? Talk about it! Notice only one type of body being represented in a movie? Talk about it! Notice a family member making comments about what's on your child's plate? Talk about it!
Ask your child what messages are being implied (for example, "People with larger bodies are unhealthy," or, "You'd be happier if you were thinner"), what they think of those messages, and add your own beliefs and perspective.
Alternatively, try and spot moments of inclusivity. Maybe you are at the pool and see all types of people enjoying the water. Maybe you're at a store and there is a range of mannequins modeling different sized clothes. Talk about what you notice and how important it is that we each see ourselves represented!