Three Things Your Family Therapist is Thinking

By Dr. Rachel Gall

Have you ever sat in a counseling session and wondered what your therapist is thinking? Of course you are curious what's going through your therapist's mind as they work with you and your family! Well, now's your chance - here's what goes through my mind when I work with families. You might be surprised!

One: You can fight at home for free

While knowing how to navigate disagreements and conflict are essential to healthy relationships, spending your therapy hour hurling insults or listing grievances is a waste of time and money. I believe my responsibility as your therapist, and your right as a client, is to experience something different in my office than you can get at home. I want to help you find the courage and vulnerability to try something new. I want to give you a new experience that is sustainable and healing. When I'm sitting in a session, I am thinking about ways that I can help you and your family members connect - not deciding who's right.

Two: Nobody here is to blame but everyone holds responsibility

Often families come to me feeling that if only their partner would change, or if their child's problems could be fixed, then their family would be happy. But blame, resentment, and contempt are destructive forces in families, and can convince us that the problem lies within one person rather than in the family relationships.

As a family therapist, I want to introduce your family to a more hopeful view of the future. I believe in circular causation - that we are all simultaneously the victims and the creators of our family's relationship struggles. In other words, no one person is to blame, but everyone holds the responsibility for the health of the family. If I can help your family with this paradigm shift, I believe that your family will be energized and free from the weight of blame.

Three: I care about you

I know, I know. It sounds cheesy, but it's true. That means that I hurt for you when things are rough, and I am rooting for you when you are working so hard to do things differently. I am inspired by the resourcefulness and creativity that my clients have in working on their problems.

Because I care about each family member, I also see it as my responsibility to maintain emotional welfare for each person in our session. You may see me interjecting to disrupt a negative communication pattern, stopping a hurtful comment, or acting as a go-between to diffuse an unhelpful disagreement. This may feel uncomfortable in the moment, but it happens because the emotional safety of each client in my office is part of my job.